Musings on Matrimony and Wifehood

I recently finished the book “John Adams” by David McCullough and I cannot give it enough praise. Throughout the book I was struck by the relationship between John and Abigail. I think it best summed up by her obituary notice in Boston’s Columbian Centinel.

Possessing at every period of life, the unlimited confidence as well as affection of her husband, she was admitted at all times to share largely of his thoughts. While, on the one hand, the activity of her mind, and its thorough knowledge of all branches of domestic economy, enabled her almost wholly to relieve him from the cares incident to the concerns of private life; on the other, she was a friend whom it was his delight to consult in every perplexity of public affairs; and whose counsels never failed to partake of that happy harmony which prevailed in her character; in which intuitive judgment was blended with consummate prudence; the spirit of conciliation, with the spirit of her station, and the refinement of her sex. In the storm, as well as the smooth sea of life, her virtues were ever the object of his trust and veneration.

It gives me pause to think of my relationship with my husband. Could that be said of me? I wonder how supportive I really am, or am I more concerned about my own comforts and immediate concerns? We have been living in a small apartment for two years now, an apartment, which, from the beginning, was meant to be temporary. I have let Ben know on multiple occasions how much I long for a house with a washer and dryer and yard; where I don’t live on top of my neighbors and smell their dinner fumes wafting up from the kitchen vents. Truly I pine for a home to call my own.

That is just one example. There are others of times when I have probably not been the most supportive and patient partner. Reading the hardships Abigail bore not just for her family but for the country is remarkable. I wonder how I would have fared in such situations. John Adams could not have done what he did for our country without Abigail. Often when the strain was the worst and the burdens heaviest he would write to her begging that she come be with him to help him with her presence and support. I wonder if I am such a helpmeet at times when stresses are the worst. She was certainly a very selfless wife.

As I read the book I could see many of Adams’ character traits in Ben. Things he would write in his journal just made me think of Ben. In particular, Adams’ wrote that men should “avow their opinions and defend them with boldness.” This quality epitomizes his life. He always voiced his opinion and defended it, at times alone. Ben does the same thing and for this I greatly admire him. I am fairly set in my opinions and beliefs but I do not often voice them or defend them because I’m not as confident in my abilities and perhaps not as confident in the reasoning for some of my beliefs to some extent.
In one area I am confident and voice my opinion firmly and that is in defense of my husband. Abigail and I, along with most wives I think, share the same quality of being fiercely loyal in defense of our husbands against any attacks on their character. Abigail at least was able to take the media attacks on her husband in stride and was always dignified. If Ben ever went into politics I don’t know if I could have such restraint in the face of such blatant lies and harsh, cruel attacks. It would be tough.