Musings on Matrimony and Wifehood

I recently finished the book “John Adams” by David McCullough and I cannot give it enough praise. Throughout the book I was struck by the relationship between John and Abigail. I think it best summed up by her obituary notice in Boston’s Columbian Centinel.

Possessing at every period of life, the unlimited confidence as well as affection of her husband, she was admitted at all times to share largely of his thoughts. While, on the one hand, the activity of her mind, and its thorough knowledge of all branches of domestic economy, enabled her almost wholly to relieve him from the cares incident to the concerns of private life; on the other, she was a friend whom it was his delight to consult in every perplexity of public affairs; and whose counsels never failed to partake of that happy harmony which prevailed in her character; in which intuitive judgment was blended with consummate prudence; the spirit of conciliation, with the spirit of her station, and the refinement of her sex. In the storm, as well as the smooth sea of life, her virtues were ever the object of his trust and veneration.

It gives me pause to think of my relationship with my husband. Could that be said of me? I wonder how supportive I really am, or am I more concerned about my own comforts and immediate concerns? We have been living in a small apartment for two years now, an apartment, which, from the beginning, was meant to be temporary. I have let Ben know on multiple occasions how much I long for a house with a washer and dryer and yard; where I don’t live on top of my neighbors and smell their dinner fumes wafting up from the kitchen vents. Truly I pine for a home to call my own.

That is just one example. There are others of times when I have probably not been the most supportive and patient partner. Reading the hardships Abigail bore not just for her family but for the country is remarkable. I wonder how I would have fared in such situations. John Adams could not have done what he did for our country without Abigail. Often when the strain was the worst and the burdens heaviest he would write to her begging that she come be with him to help him with her presence and support. I wonder if I am such a helpmeet at times when stresses are the worst. She was certainly a very selfless wife.

As I read the book I could see many of Adams’ character traits in Ben. Things he would write in his journal just made me think of Ben. In particular, Adams’ wrote that men should “avow their opinions and defend them with boldness.” This quality epitomizes his life. He always voiced his opinion and defended it, at times alone. Ben does the same thing and for this I greatly admire him. I am fairly set in my opinions and beliefs but I do not often voice them or defend them because I’m not as confident in my abilities and perhaps not as confident in the reasoning for some of my beliefs to some extent.
In one area I am confident and voice my opinion firmly and that is in defense of my husband. Abigail and I, along with most wives I think, share the same quality of being fiercely loyal in defense of our husbands against any attacks on their character. Abigail at least was able to take the media attacks on her husband in stride and was always dignified. If Ben ever went into politics I don’t know if I could have such restraint in the face of such blatant lies and harsh, cruel attacks. It would be tough.

New Church Calling

I am now the Nursery Music Leader. Hurray! We have four nurseries so I'm pretty busy, but it is so much fun. Last Sunday was my first day and I must admit all that up and down with the kids made my quads sore the next couple of days. Perhaps I'm not getting nearly the exercise I should be getting.

Here are some hand puppets I made to use with the children when singing"Happy Family" and a couple other songs. If you have ideas of songs your children liked to sing at that age or ways to make singing time more spiritual or fun please let me know.

A Man's Job

Well the honeymoon with our van is over. I was at the grocery store yesterday and had just loaded the back up with food and tried to start the engine only to find the battery was dead. As it happened my cell phone battery was also dead.

So I'm stranded at the grocery store with Spencer and warming groceries while Lauren is at school. Fortunately Ben believes in being prepared and had purchased a tool set for the van which included jumper cables. I stopped a woman parked near me and asked if she could help jump start my car. She was dressed in a nice business suit and said she had to be to work in ten minutes but could help if it was quick. She also mentioned never jump starting a car before and I had to help her find her battery. I vaguely remember a demonstration in Young Womens about jump starting a car, so I got the owner's manual out just to be sure we didn't blow anything up. The car started up right away and we unhooked everything without incident. As we were closing the hoods of our respective automobiles a little old man comes up and says "You ladies did a man's job admirably. You deserve an 'at a boy!'"

The car is currently back at the dealership where they are replacing the battery and have determined something isn't right with the transmission, which they will fix too. We won't get it back until Monday so it's back to the Accord again. As long as they get everything fixed up I'm happy I guess. At least I know I can jump the battery if need be and I will not let my cell phone die again. Thanks to Ben for being prepared and for my friend Debi who helped me get Lauren from school.

First Day of Kindergarten

I can't believe it, but Lauren really has entered the public school system. I have a school-aged child! It was pretty early in the morning for our first day and kind of dark in the house so her eyes are closed. Really she was very excited.I was pretty nervous about Lauren starting because she has never done a real preschool before. I thought she might be at a bit of a disadvantage meeting so many kids and making friends. To my surprise and great pleasure I watched her instantly start going up to other little girls waiting outside the school and introduce herself and ask which class they were in. She made several new friends already and was still a little shy but confident enough to be outgoing and friendly. She is going to have a wonderful year. This is one of the little friends she made right away.

I'm really impressed with the school and the curriculum and the teachers. Lauren will be challenged in the class, but she is so ready and smart. Spencer kind of misses Lauren, but not too much. He gets to play on this when we drop her off and pick her up. Somehow I think he's really ok with the whole arrangement.

New Car, New Toilet, and the Beach

No, the new toilet is not part of the new car, though that would sure be convenient. It was definitely a full weekend. Since Lauren starts Kindergarten tomorrow we decided it was finally time to get a second car. Plus with a third baby on the way we were going to need more room anyway. Ben really likes Hondas so we started looking at the Odyssey. Ben did a search on Carmax and found one he liked, but it had to be shipped up from San Diego. While we waited for that van to arrive, Ben went the next night to a dealership across the street and found an awesome Odyssey for much less. He bought it and the next day, Saturday, we picked it up. It's the same age as our Accord, has less miles, leather interior for easy clean-up, dvd player for long road trips, and was much less than we had budgeted spending. Ben is pleased it was so cheap and matches our Accord so perfectly. I'm pleased I have my own car with so much extra space. Lauren and Spencer like the dvd player, all the hidden cup holders, and the extra leg room.

To welcome our car into the family we took it to the Beach right after driving it off the lot. Ben's office had a picnic at Crystal Cove for all the attorneys and staff. We got to tour some tidal pools and play in the sand. It was really overcast and a bit chilly, but that didn't bother the kids at all. We saw some barnacles, mussels, sea anemones, and a little crab in the pools. We all had hats, though most people did not. I did my civic duty and corrected people on their misconception that you can't get sunburned in cloudy weather. I think most of them thought I was crazy. Oh well, my skin will be smooth and young looking in 10 years. It was a really fun day and we all came back to the car sandy and wet. So much for the new, clean car. Before they got all sandy.
Ben didn't wear a hat. I did bring one for him, but it was cloudy and he felt silly wearing it. He got a bit of sun on his neck and forehead. One of these days he'll learn. . .I think.
The water was a bit nippy. The kids didn't mind one bit and stood in the surf squealing and splashing.

On Monday we got a new, low-flow toilet installed in our apartment. The Irvine Ranch Water District is making the toilets mandatory at least in apartments and businesses. The hidden blessing of this whole procedure is the motivational effect it has had on Spencer's potty training. Spencer was doing really good about going pee when I took him to the bathroom, but he wasn't at the point of telling me when he had to go. This new toilet has two buttons you push instead of a handle to flush. One button is for liquids and one is for solids. Spencer loves talking about the buttons and pushing them when he does his business. Yesterday he told me each time when he had to go pee. The first couple he had already started going in his pullup, but he stopped and finished in the potty. He hasn't done number 2 in the potty yet, but he is very excited to push the solids button. I really think it will be the motivation for him to do number 2 in the potty because up til now I always find him in the middle of a movement and whisk him off to the bathroom to finish up the last of it there. Now I think he's pretty excited to push that button so he may start telling me instead of just hiding from me. In conclusion, my advice for mothers potty training a little boy is to install a low-flow toilet with two buttons. It works wonders.

Quick baby update. I have not heard anything back from the ultrasound technichian which means they did not find any abnormalities in the pictures. So far our little girl is healthy and strong and we are blessed. She is a good kicker and I am already feeling my uterus tightening at least a few times each day. I don't remember feeling this with the other kids until I was 6 or 7 months along.

Good Hair, Bad Hair

And they both invovle Lauren, at least I'm pretty sure they do.

First the good hair. Lauren wanted curly hair last Sunday so we put her hair in the little sponge curlers over night. Sadly the curls didn't last very long but they were really cute. Her hair just does not hold a curl for long. I haven't tried any products in her hair to extend the curl's life, though.

The bad hair is an involuntary haircut of Spencer's already short hair. You can't really see clearly the cut hair, but I put arrows by the two bald spots on top. He also has at least two little bald spots in back as well.

This unfortunate incident happened while I was away and the other responsible adult, not mentioning any names here, was watching the children. I asked Lauren about the haircutting and she at first said she didn't know if she had cut Spencer's hair or not and then she said she hadn't. Suspicious. Spencer said that Lauren cut his hair. I really think Lauren did it but doesn't want to admit it. As much of a stinker as Spencer can be he is at least still at the point where he doesn't lie. I'm not sure what to do though because I can't get Lauren to admit that she did it and I don't want to accuse her of doing it because in her mind it will be me believing Spencer and not her. I also have no idea where the loose hair is.

I am Just a Crazy, Hungry Pregnant-Lady After All

We are going to be having a little girl!! Lauren is very excited and I am too. I did have a dream a month ago that I had a girl and I was disappointed, but now thinking of Lauren as a baby I'm excited for another little girl. I guess my dreams mean I am indeed just hungry. Our little girl is definitely not shy. Poor little thing had her legs splayed wide for us all to see that she definitely did not have any manly parts. No privacy. At least we didn't get a printed picture of that image. Here is a nice, modest profile of our little girl.

Exploits of the Children

I thought I would do a brief update on what the kids have been up to the last little while.

I have shared this story with some already, but it is so funny that I have to chronicle it for posterity. Spencer recently picked up the phrase "I hate you" and he says it when he gets tired and frustrated. We've had discussions and family night lessons about it and I always talk with him when I hear him say it. I think it is getting better. When he first started saying it I tried to think where he could have learned it or first heard it. I asked him if he had heard someone say it in nursery. He said yes so I then asked who says it in nursery. He points to himself and says, "Me!". Well, one way or another the little nursery kids are learning it.

Here he is passed out on his little chair. He wakes up with the sun only to want to fall asleep around noon. That means he won't go to bed until 10 pm and then rise again with the sun. I've tried lots of things to get him to sleep later, but they don't work. He either needs to sleep in a darkened closest or have his internal clock set back a couple of hours.

Lauren has taken to decorating things. Here is her latest creation. The area under the crib has been transformed into her secret monkey hideout. She cuts out pictures from the adds that come in the mail and tapes them to the back wall. She has her journal in there that is written in invisible ink and when I go to the store she takes some of the apples and bananas and hangs them from the crib with strings. That's why it's the secret monkey hideout.

The newest baby is quite active. I've felt kicking and movement since week 14, most especially when I sit or lie down. I fear this does not bode well for having a mellow, easygoing baby. I sure hope he/she does not start walking by 8 months! Tomorrow we have our ultrasound to find out what we are having. We haven't even begun discussing names, though Lauren and Spencer both say the baby should be named Link.

Bennion Reunion in MIssouri

The first week of July we spent in Missouri with the Bennion side of the family, my mom's family. It was so much fun to see everyone and just be with family and be back in the Midwest. How I have missed it I confess. The long plane flights were not so fun, but we enjoyed all the time with family, especially our Medieval Day complete with costumes. Here are some pictures from the reunion. Most I borrowed from my mom's blog but a few are my own.

Lauren and Spencer played some croquet with Grandpa. Lauren's swing was pretty impressive. Spencer kept hitting the grass so he played by his own rules.

The hotel lobby had a little M&M dispenser and Spencer really wanted a quarter. At first he just tried reaching into Grandpa's pocket to get a quarter. Too bad we didn't get a shot of that. Here he has gotten one from Grandpa and then is very excited to use it.

We found a park to visit one morning while waiting for other festivities to begin. The children loved it.



The Medieval festival attire was fantastic. First we have the Patriarch of the Snow clan in all his homespun glory. Next is our hero Spencer dressed as Link. I knit the hat, wrist warmer and leg warmer he is wearing. Now that I've practiced I shall be making some for myself. Ahh, it is I the fate alchemy professor. We each prepared a booth for the children to visit and learn about Medieval things. They were all really impressive. I'm sorry I wasn't able to go around to them all especially the weaving booth. Next is the little princess Lauren and then Lauren and Spencer running on the stage. The last picture is a bunch of fair maidens sporting the wench cinchers made by my Aunt Lucy. They were quite stylish. Obviously, being pregnant I did not get one.

Laguna Beach

We also took the kids to Laguna Beach as another firm function. They say families are invited to some of these events, but we are the only ones who bring our kids. Oh well, they have fun.

Lauren wanted to build in the sand and Spencer wanted to run from the waves.

Here is a video of Spencer. He liked to wait until just before the water got him and then he'd run away squealing. It was a fine game to play until the tide came in and the waves got bigger. Sorry about the bouncy camera at the end.

Bowling at Lucky Strike

I have been negligent in posting pictures as of late. I blame feeling sick.

So Ben's firm took the summer associates out bowling and we brought our kids. It was their first time bowling and it was pretty funny. Prepare for a lot of pictures.

You can see in one of Spencer's pictures that he did get a couple pins. He was so excited and showed everyone he saw that he had knocked down two pins. Ben and I got to bowl a couple games ourselves because the children discovered that the couches were far more fun to play on.