This first experience is my earliest recollection of the spirit's presence in my life. I was in Primary during Sharing Time and we were living in Iowa City at the time. I was between the ages of 4 and 6 because we moved to Burlington before I started first grade. We were learning the song "We'll Bring the World His Truth". I remember as we sang the first line about being born of goodly parents I felt a warmth in my heart. My mother says I asked her about it afterwards and she told my it was the Holy Ghost. I don't remember that, I just remember how it felt to sing those words. I wish I felt the spirit that way all the time but I don't. In fact, I have never felt the presence of the Holy Ghost like that again. His promptings are different now and even though the experience was long ago and many other details have faded from my memory I still remember what it felt like. I didn't want to leave. I believe heaven will feel like that.
The only other times in my life where I have felt the Holy Ghost in a similar way have been with music. When my family gets together and is in Sacrament meeting together singing the Sacramet hymn I feel the spirit and I know what heaven will be like again. It isn't a warm feeling but a very strong feeling of love and peace. I know heaven is about families. I know the sacrament in about love. I have learned that I feel and learn things through music. There are a couple hymns that I feel the spirit testify to me each time I sing them. "Glory to God on High" is my favorite. When the congregation sings this together I feel such a bound of love and charity.
I am so grateful the Lord let me have this experience so early in life. It has been a rock to my testimony. If all else fails I know I have lt the love of God in my heart. I also think this experience prepared me as a child to trust my parents. I knew the words of the song were true so I knew I had good parents and I chose to trust them. It saved them and me a lot of heartache I am sure. It also set me up for one of my hardest decisions.
When I went to college at BYU it was the first time I was separated from my parents for anything longer air further away than Girls Camp. It was a time to live my life under my own disciplin and apply all my parents had taught me. When I went back home that first summer I had a far greater appreciation for God's gift of agency. I really liked being in charge of my life.
That first semester I met Ben. We were in the same ward and had a class together. Soon we started studying for the class together, I began sitting in on his philosophy classes, and we saw each other every day. He was a return missionary and the minute my parents learned this they warned me to be careful and slow down because he would be looking for a wife and I was too young. Never have I been so conflicted. I had always listened and heeded my parrent's counsel to this point. I just knew they knew best and loved me. This was the first struggle I had with something my parents wanted me to do. I prayed and thought about it. How could I cut down on the time I was spending with Ben. How could I slow things down. Each time I thought of ways to pull back I felt dark, empty, and confused. I finally decided that was my answer. My parents were giving me good advice, but I needed to make my own choices now and I really felt the right choice was to keep dating Ben, the opposite of what my parents said I should do. Really tough choice for me and I wasn't completely sure it was the right one because I knew I had a lot of emotions wrapped up in it.
I went ahead with my decision that first semester and then winter semester came. Things stayed the same and all my friends said Ben would propose and I would get married that semester. That worried me because I still wasn't sure if I was following the spirit or my emotions. As the semester wrapped up and finals got close I couldn't take it anymore. I was in my room studying and I remember as I thought about all these things the room felt dark and stressfull. I decided I would pray and I felt to tell the Lord that my decision would be to marry Ben if he asked me. I closed my prayer and stood up. At first the room felt dark still, but then suddenly everything felt peaceful and bright. I knew my answer. I have looked back to this prayer throughout my marriage. Marriage is tough work sometimes,especially at the beginning when two people learn to think of the unite rather than themselves. I sometimes question my ability to hear and recognize promptings, but I never questioned tht answer because it was so dramatic. I always knew from that day that the choice to marry Ben was the right one. It has blessed my life and my marriage. I am grateful thenLord knows the kinds of answers and promptings to give me that will be a strength to me my whole life.
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2 comments:
You never told me before what part of that song felt good to you. I feel very humbled that it was that particular part.
Now, about your dating Ben. I do remember dad and I talking about how do we put the breaks on from so far away. But we also, I think, gave you the advice to make sure you were keep the commandment, attending church, fulfilling your callings, reading your scriptures, attending the temple, saying your prayers, in other words being active in the gospel and not just active in the church. We knew then that if you were doing that Heavenly Father would give you the right answer. We knew it was your life and we couldn't tell you how to live it. We were a little reluctant to let you go. But I will say you made a great choice and we are glad you followed the promptings from Heavenly Father.
I remember the advice to stay active in the gospel, but you did advise me to 'put the breaks on' and that I did not do. It was a very hard decision because I think it was the first time I chose to do the opposite of your counsel.
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