It is always an awkward step into the realm of 'flattering with delicacy' when one attempts to compliment a pregnant lady. You always run the risk of complimenting someone who is not pregnant or has recently given birth. How unfortunate for you if that happens. This post will not save you there, but if you have ascertained correctly that the woman you are addressing is indeed heavy with child and not just heavy, you will be able to deftly compliment her without offending her. Personally I do not question any woman on her belly unless it is blatantly obvious she is pregnant, thus avoiding that whole social misstep entirely.
If you wish to give a compliment to a pregnant woman bear in mind that no matter how imperceptible her growing belly may be to your untrained eye, she is fully aware to the minutest detail the changes her body has undertaken. Never, I repeat, never tell a pregnant woman that she does not look pregnant. However truly sincerely the compliment is given the reception will almost always be bad. I am currently five months pregnant with my third child. I have been told numerous times while taking Lauren to school that I do not look pregnant or people would have never guessed I was pregnant. Now I do not wrap myself in a sheet nor do I wear baggy moo moos every day so I find it slightly depressing that these people think I am not pregnant considering the shape of my body right now. True they just met me and I them, and yes they are trying to tell me I look really small, but I am still offended that they think I always look like I stuck half a basketball up my shirt. Yes, a lot of celebrities are having babies so it seems fashionable to be sporting that type of belly, but I hardly am the type to appear pregnant just because it is a fad.
To avoid inflicting the above mentioned affronts here are the three compliments you may pay to any pregnant lady without fear of negative repercussions. If the woman says she is pregnant and you honestly could not tell she had done more than drink a few extra glasses of water that day, then you simply say “wow, you look so small I would never have guessed you were that many weeks/months along”. This will invariable boost the lady’s self-esteem because doubtless she is excruciatingly aware that certain items of clothing are getting a bit tight. There are many variations of this compliment depending on if you know how far along the pregnancy has progressed. Simply adapt it for your situation, but as long as you compliment how small her belly is you will not offend unless it is clear the woman is giving birth to a whale. In that case you need compliment number two.
If the woman clearly looks pregnant and none too small you can simply compliment the cuteness of her belly. Everyone likes to think they look cute and no one more so than the woman whose body is being taken over by a rather large parasite. A quick note about how cute she is looking with her growing belly and maternity clothes is all that is needed to brighten her day.
There are the few cases, especially later in pregnancy when the woman does not look small nor cute. I have a picture taken two days before Spencer was born and I look like I’m ready to pop and that is anything but a cute look. Please do not patronize a pregnant lady in this condition because she’ll know you are lying. If she looks horribly huge and not very cute then simply say “you look good/great” and then in your mind add “and by you I mean the nail polish on your left big toe, or the eye shadow so perfectly applied to your upper right eyelid.” In this way you have honestly complimented her but it is ambiguous enough of a compliment that surely you can find something about her person to which it can refer. She will in turn be grateful that you didn’t tell her she looks like she is carrying twins, should have been induced three weeks ago, or just plain terrible.
There you have the iron-clad method for flattering pregnant ladies. May you go out into social situations free from the fear of awkward pauses that seem to necessarily precede compliments to a pregnant woman.
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6 comments:
"My I ask whether these pleasing attentions proceed from the impulse of the moment, or are the result of previous study?"
"They arise chiefly from what is passing at the time, and though I sometimes amuse myself with suggesting and arranging such little elegant compliments as may be adapted to ordinary occasions, I always wish to give them as unstudied an air as possible."
When i was expecting Ben Benn I didn't get people's remarks about my belly in the first two trimesters. But starting at the end of November, I had someone ask me if I was expecting twins. When I told them no, they said "are you sure?", duh. Then someone else asked me if I was due in a few weeks, this was in December, "no I have two and a half more months." She was shocked when I said that.
I did look rather large in the last trimester, and very uncomfortable!
Very wise and true. What I also hated was when people would say "You havn't had the baby YET?" At that point I was painfully aware that I hadn't had the baby YET and reminding me was just throwing salt on the wound. It drives me nuts that you don't look WAY pregnant. By the third pregnancy I was showing way early. Maybe it was because you gave your body a longer time to recover.
The 'pleasing attentions" given to pregnant ladies are best previously studied out in the mind because all too often people just say dumb stuff. I don't get why either. We've all been there and now, hopefully, more people will be aware of our fragile feelings. ;)
I think all said and done it is best just not to comment to a pregnant woman about how she looks at all. The worst one I remember was one Sunday a sister (who will remain nameless!) Said to me,"Oh, Mary, you look tired today." I just about turned around and went home. My thoughts were as follows. "Thanks, I didn't know I looked so lousy! I was feeling rather chipper today until you spoke to me!"
Exactly!
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